Tuesday, October 2, 2012

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Catching Poo: Oops, I did it again!

The morning did not start out well.  For starters, I had stayed up late watching Dexter.  (Note to self, DVR it! My days of staying up past 10 pm are long gone!) So, when the alarm went off, I was none too happy.  But I proceeded to get up and greet the day.  Coach was his usually calm self.  He rarely gets giddy in the morning.  Or at any time frankly.

We fixed up a peanut butter kong for him and had a minor mishap when Fred went to toss it in the car and missed and tossed it somewhere in the dark. He did find it though, even though it was a black kong, at 6:45 am in the pitch dark.  

"Found it!" Go Fred!  He placed it in the car.  Coach hops in and starts to lick the kong.  I give Fred a kiss goodbye.  

At School

Once we arrive at school, I lead Coach over to what I call the Horton Hears a Who flowers, but he isn't interested in doing his business.  He wants to smell the flowers.  

OK.  Fine.

We go inside the library.

I remember that today is book club.  In my calendar, today is also the department chair meeting.  Crap.  I've messed up.  I need to reschedule all of my book clubs!  What a major pain.  So I send out a long email explaining what I did and how we have to redo the meeting dates and choose from the following options.  Then Tim sends me an email that says the department chair meeting is on Wed.  Double crap.  Now I have to send an email saying I'm an idiot.

Isn't that lovely?  So I send that out.  What a great day.  I look at Coach.  Let's go tell Tim thank you for saving me more embarrassment.  So we start out for the upper division offices.  

Tim with Coach. Tim is sitting on the imagine bench and Coach is in a down stay beside him.
Tim with Coach. Tim is sitting on the imagine bench and Coach is in a down stay beside him.

Coach and I go up the stairway and down the hall.  We stop to chat with Michele and then continue down the hall to Tim's office.  I turn left into his office and as I am about to sit down, I glance at Coach and notice that he is HUNCHING.

OMG!  I can't let this dog poop on Tim's carpet in his office after he just did this nice thing and saved me further embarrassment on all these emails.  So I did what evidently comes naturally to me: I put my hand behind Coach's butt and he pooped into it.

What was I thinking? With my other hand I raised up his hind end and said, in a slightly elevated tone of voice, "Tim! Get something!" Forgetting that I carry with me poop bags. I turn my head and all is lost because Coach has already left a big poo at the entrance of the office.  ACK!!

Now, you may be wondering what I was doing lifting his butt up in that air like that.  And to the uninitiated, it would seem like a foolish thing to do, but it so happens that when HRH Berkeley was in mid pee I grabbed her hind end and she immediately quit peeing.  So, here I was, mid-poo, as it were, with a new dog and I thought, "If it worked with one dog, surely it will work with this one." You can see where I am going with this can't you? So I picked up his rear end.

Oh no, brothers and sisters.  It did not work!  Rather it was like picking up a cannon. A loaded cannon. One you were going to aim and fire, because now I looked and there were THREE more pieces of poo on the floor and they must have SHOT OUT OF HIS BUTT WHILE I WAS HOLDING IT IN THE AIR.    I don't know what else could have happened. Holy crap.

Coach is bewildered by all of this.  Tim is laughing and talking it all very well and I... I am horrified and frantic.

"Wipes.  I need wipes."  I finally remember I HAVE poo bags and bag up all the poo. Sweet Kate Manley next door comes running over with wipes and hands me several and I think I actually barked at her for several more.  I blame my poo smeared hands! I'm sorry Kate!

I scrubbed the carpet, I threw out the poo. Then I washed my hands over and over again.  Back at my office, I left Coach with Jan and rushed back to Tim's office with the diffuser and a fresh pad filled with lavender oil to dispel any remaining poo odor.

Tim was such a good sport.  And as other people told me throughout the day, at least it wasn't the headmaster's office!


  1. I'm sorry I laughed so hard at your expense! ;-) Thankfully, Dante has yet to have a public accident, but I don't think that would be my 1st reaction ;-)

  2. Hahahaha!

    I love, love, love reading your Jam & now Coach stories!

    Just in case you didn't know, I have switched my blog over to my own site http://www.ruledbypaws.ca.