Saturday, February 11, 2012

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Chicken Biscuits

We have fundraisers at school.  Usually by what they call Break Sales, meaning we have a break in the morning and kids bake brownies, etc. and can make about $75 to $100 selling them to students who want a mid-morning snack.  This money goes to the selling club's charity of choice or to whatever project or trip they are trying to raise money for.

The Student Library Proctors have been doing chicken biscuit sales from Chik-Fil-A because they give schools a deep discount and you can earn about $300 from one break sale.  Quite a big difference.  However, there are several problems with chicken biscuits:

  1. Chicken biscuits are like crack.  Kids go nuts for them.  There is practically a Who Concert mass stampede out the door of the auditorium to get to the mall to buy tickets to get a biscuit.  Honestly, we have about 15 students working the chicken biscuit sale and we are all VERY TENSE and NERVOUS when we hear the pounding feet of 500 students coming to get 350 biscuits.
  2. Each biscuit comes in its own wrapper, which some students wad up and throw on the ground.  So there is a protocol that requires our biscuit sellers to go around and make sure the ground is picked up, so we can have another sale.  If it is too messy, no more biscuit sales.  My theory is that the lard in the biscuit temporarily knocks out any thought processes and causes an almost epileptic jerking of the arm with the first bite.  Usually, the student has the wrapper in his hand with this first bite and involuntarily crushes the wrapper when he has this temporary seizure.  After swallowing the first bite, his brain comes back on line, the hand releases, and the wrapper drops to the ground, without the student even realizing what is going on and that he had anything in his hand.  He continues to walk and eat his biscuit in a pleasure filled daze.
  3. Evidently the lard also affects proper chewing as great hunks of bread may fall out of students mouths and land on the ground creating a landscape of breadcrumbs that would be useful in finding Hansel and Gretel if they wandered aimlessly around in circles!  Seriously, how can that much biscuit fall on the ground?  It literally covers the floor.
  4. We have to go get the biscuits and bring them back, which means someone's car is going to smell like fried chicken for a day.
Friday was chicken biscuit day.  Friday is also Jam day.  Jan has the big SUV in which all the heater units filled with 350 hot chicken biscuits fit.  So Jan, Jam and I drove down to Chick-Fil-A.  They stayed in the car while I got the biscuits. The trouble didn't start until we got the biscuits out of the car.

We had two big heaters and one small one.  Jam ran over to the small one and started to sniff and then jumped on top of it and tried to dig a hole into it.  Eeeek!  I hope that doesn't leave a mark!  Squashed biscuits for some kids. 8-)

Thankfully, it didn't.  We put Jam on a tie-down further away from the unloading area and got the biscuits over to the mall where we would be selling them.  And we waited.  And Jam waited.  For about 45 minutes as biscuits were handed out and the biscuity smell wafted around him, Jam just slept and was quiet.  But when we got up to police the area and there were wrappers and breadcrumbs out and about: Fuhgeddaboutit!!

"No! No! No! No!"  That was me walking through the mall trying to keep Jam from scarfing up all the breadcrumbs.

Then we got back to the library and Christina had a biscuit on her desk.  Jam saw it.  Saw the silvery gleam of the wrapper indicating chicken goodness.  We walked back out to the main library.  Jam sat with a sullen stubborness and faced the offices.  Silvery wrappers danced in his head.  Whines emerged from his mouth.

"No noise."  He stood.  He faced the office.  Clearly, a busy wasn't on his mind.  "Oh no.  You are not faking me out. Sit. Down."  

ALL.  DAY.  LONG.  Every trash can was a danger zone and we couldn't get near them because he was going to look in them for wrappers.  Kids smelled like chicken biscuits.  The campus smelled like chicken biscuits.  It was a long day for Jam

It was a longer day for me. 

1 comment:

  1. Hi Y'all,

    Don't feel bad Jam. I'm not allowed to scarf up goodies either!

    Y'all come by now,
    Hawk aka BrownDog