Friday, November 26, 2010

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The Importance of the Stay Command

Last Monday I had an appointment with a lady parts doctor. Monday being one of my bring Berkeley to school days meant that she was coming to the doctor's office with me. Not a problem. She has been much more mature since her puppy camp with John and Angel and seems to be barking less and not being so autocratic.

Good for us!

This was a new doctor, so I had to go to their concierge services to be checked in first. Berkeley went into a down under without a problem and went right to sleep for the whole interview. Good girl.

Then we went up the elevator and into the waiting room where we waited patiently to be called. The nurse looked at us a bit funny, but decided that she would choose to ignore the dog at my side completely and made no mention of her AT ALL. I thought this a bit strange, but, hey, whatever gets you through the day. Berkeley decided to snub her as well and when we hit the examining room she did a down under the chair and a stay and went to sleep.

When the doctor arrived, he was delighted to see Berkeley and asked all sorts of questions about her. She poked her head out and thumped her tail a few times (she is quite the tail wagger), but ultimately decided that our discussion was boring (read: didn't involve her) and went back to sleep.

At this point the doctor stands and gets one of those full coverage (ha ha!) paper sheets and says I need to take off my skirt and he will come back to do the examination. Berkeley is still in a down stay under the chair and is still asleep, so I disrobe and jog over to the medical table with the sheet around me sarong style. The examining table is about 10 feet away from where Berkeley is sleeping under the chair. Berkeley is directly in front of me and to my back is the door where the doctor will come through. Now that I am half naked and on the table I am starting to realize that I have made a huge error in judgment but am unsure if I have time to correct it or even how I can correct it. Will she STAY? Do I have time to jump off? Should I jump off? Is she deep asleep? Should I test it?

Before I can try anything, the doctor walks in and Berkeley comes ALIVE!

"People! People have entered my realm!" She emerges from under her chair. I half stand on the examining table and get a blast of cold air on my bare behind. I sit down quickly.

"BERKELEY! STAY!" She barely registers that I am there. After all, I am half naked and nearly shouting, she is Her Royal Highness. Why would she deign to see a naked crazy person yelling commands when there are professionals in the room?

She walks towards the doctor. "Stay!"

"It's alright. She's pretty." I gnash my teeth. Did I ask if she was pretty? NO! I have no panties on! I can't get off this table! I can't do anything.

"Berkeley, come here." That she recognizes. She finally looks at me and walks over. I bend over, carefully mind you, and grab for her leash. However, the examining table is REALLY TALL. This is a bad idea. I see this. The lady parts doctor sees it and so does the unseeing nurse who still is trying to act like there isn't a dog in the room.

"Just let her run free," my doctor says.

Ah, what the hell. This will be an interesting examination.

Note: There will be no photos for this post.


  1. Sounds like it was an interesting exam! At least she sounds likely a friendly dog and enjoys her people. Just make sure you don't ask your dog to do something and not follow through in making sure they finally do it. They soon learn that they don't have to listen to you the first time you ask them to do something.

  2. Yep. I realized I wasn't in a position to follow through with anything. Not good. 8-)